The Goodness of God in Clayton's Pregnancy & Birth Story

I won't apologize for being really detailed!  The Lord has been so good to us, and I am liable to forget these little important details unless I get them down here.  I am so thankful to God for giving me a healthy pregnancy and delivery.  It was not without its curve balls, but I'm glad to say that God helped me to trust Him with each unexpected twist.   We're thrilled that God brought Clayton Bradley into the world without complications and that He providentially gave us even more than we expected during that delivery!  

The first "twist" came at the 20-week anatomy scan, when we learned that this baby had a 2-vessel umbilical cord (a normal cord has 3 vessels), and that there was some question about Clayton's heart and possibly kidneys.  A follow-up scan showed a healthy heart and kidneys, and we were told that the 2-vessel cord was most likely nothing to worry about.  The main concern would be stalled or stopped growth late in pregnancy, as well as a placenta that may deteriorate a bit earlier than normal.  We had one more growth check ultrasound before learning that we would be paying a good chunk of those costs.  We therefore declined the recommended once-a-month scans, in favor of the physical measurements in the office. All we could do was wait and trust the Lord's timing and plan for our baby.  He was good to give us peace about this.  

The second "twist" came when I popped positive for Group B Strep (GBS), taken from a urine sample very early on.  Normally they test for GBS around 37 weeks, so I was irritated that they tested me so early.  To make matters worse, my bacteria levels were so low that the lab was not even supposed to inform the clinic about it at all!  The midwives urged me to agree to IV antibiotics during labor.  I have great concerns about antibiotics, so I was very torn about this!  I did a lot of reading on GBS & the risks and decided to insist on the standard swab test at the appropriate time.  If that test came back positive, I would agree to antibiotics.  I began taking high doses of good probiotics, several times per day, to no avail.  I tested positive at the 37-week swab test.  I was sorely disappointed but had to leave it in God's hands and pray that the antibiotics simply wouldn't have a detrimental effect on me or the baby.  I was relieved to learn that 2 doses of IV penicillin, given during labor and before delivery, was all that was required.  At least it wasn't a long 2-week course of them.  Again, God allowed me to rest in His care and plan, and to trust the midwives about this as well.  

As my December 1st due date approached, I was able to rest and wait without too much anxiety or impatience.  God was so good to let me sleep fairly well, and He also kept my back pain mostly at bay.  My weight gain stayed pretty low (13-14 pounds total), and thanks to an iron supplement, my energy levels remained high for most of the 3rd trimester.  

One of the main worries that I did battle was the fact that we do not yet have a doctor for our family.  We moved here in June and have not had reason to seek one out.  This was my own fault, I realize... but somehow I was suddenly 10 days, then 8, then 4 days from my due date and STILL without a doctor for this baby!  I think I called about a dozen clinics and was turned away for one reason or another.  Finally, thank the Lord, a pediatrician did have room for Clayton in his practice.  Phew!  I cried tears of relief when I hung up the phone, after having made arrangements for Clayton's appointments.  Then I looked at my belly and said, "Okay, little one, you can come now!"

But he didn't come by December 1.  As excited as I was to meet this sweet baby, I was thankful for each day to get some extras done.  More Christmas preparations.  Extra cleaning.  A leisurely thrift-shopping day.  Sweet little notes to each daughter.  Some 3x5 cards with encouraging Scriptures on them for laboring at the hospital.  I even made a Spotify music playlist, to help strengthen me during labor with reminders of God's nearness and help.  I had epidurals with all three of the girls, but this time I really, REALLY wanted a natural birth.  I made Nate promise not to let me have any pain meds, no matter how much I begged.  I had prayed for strength and resolve, even at my greatest weakness, to go through with the natural labor I so wanted.  

On Wednesday, December 5, I had a non-stress test and ultrasound.  These were to check on Baby's condition and the condition of the womb and placenta.  The midwife suspected that my fluid level and placenta would probably indicate a less-than-ideal environment for Baby, thanks to the 2-vessel cord.  However, everything still looked optimal for our baby to remain in there for a bit longer.  Nevertheless, they still scheduled an induction for Monday, December 10.  I called the following day (Thursday) and asked why, when everything looked "remarkable" (their word!), why couldn't I put off an induction for a few more days?  Midwife said that would be fine, but I should discuss it with Nate and call the office on Friday if that's what we decided.  And then she asked me an interesting question:

"And oh, by the way... has anyone given you the smoothie recipe?"

This, I would learn, would be a game-changer.  This smoothie has 2 tablespoons of castor oil in it.  Oh my.  I wasn't in a rush to bring Clayton into the world just to meet him, as much as just wanting to avoid that risky induction.  Ellia and Brienna had their Christmas program Thursday night, so I begged Nate to swing by the grocery store afterward so I could get 2 ingredients for the smoothie that I didn't have at home.  I mixed it up--a disgusting concoction of castor oil, fruit juice, vanilla ice cream, and peanut butter--and chugged it around 9 p.m..  GROSS.    And I went to bed, hopeful but skeptical.

3:00 a.m. (6 hours later)…... I woke up to some cramps.  I thought, "Oh no, that castor oil is going to tear me up!  Right here in the middle of the night!"  But no, that didn't happen.  Instead, I just continued to have some mild contractions.  I began timing them on my phone, and they were 3-6 minutes apart for an hour.  Around 4 a.m. they increased to 3 minutes apart, but they were still fairly mild.  So I got up and showered, just in case this was the real thing.  At 5:00 I woke Nate and let him know.  He called into work, and we agreed that we should call his mom, who would make her way to us in order to help with the girls.  

6:30...….  The girls got up and got ready for school.  I did all the usual "school morning" stuff and kept timing the contractions on my phone.  Nate's mom got the girls off to school, and I puttered around and timed contractions.  They got maybe a little stronger, but by 10:00 they still were not intense by any means, so we were really hesitant to go to the hospital.  I just knew I couldn't have progressed very far, and I didn't want to labor ALLLL DAY in the hospital.  However, since they remained 3-4 minutes apart, we called the midwife and asked her advice.  She told us to come into the clinic so she could check me.  

11:00...…. I am 3 cm. dilated and 50% effaced.  Just as I suspected!  Boy, were we glad we hadn't checked into the hospital yet!  Midwife stripped my membranes and sent us on a date and to walk around a bit.  Since we were 30 minutes from home and only 10 minutes from the hospital, we decided we'd labor while out-and-about until Go Time.  We had lunch at Taco Bell and walked around a mall.  FOR 2 AND A HALF HOURS.  And in that time, my contractions spaced waaaay out.  Like, 7-9 minutes apart.  Talk about disappointed!  Looking back, I really believe that I was putting pressure on myself to make labor happen.  I was out of my comfort zone and not at all relaxed, as I was at home.  

2:30 p.m......I told Nate, "Let's just go home.  I'm discouraged and tired, and maybe this baby isn't coming today after all.  I just want to go to bed."  I couldn't believe I'd had this tiring false labor all day, at 40+ weeks, with nothing to show for it.  I felt terrible that we had made Nate's mom come down and waste her day for nothing.  And Nate had taken the day off of work for nothing.  We picked up the girls from school and told the midwife we were heading home.  She said to get some rest and drink another smoothie if I wanted to.  Why not?  

4:15 p.m......Nate's mom took the girls up to her house to keep them overnight, in case things ramped up again.  I made another nasty smoothie, and we both went to bed.

4:45 p.m...… I was awakened suddenly by a contraction that was decidedly different.  Much stronger.  I began timing them immediately because I knew this was the real thing.  Even though they were 5-6 minutes apart, these contractions lasted more than a minute and required all my concentration.  About 30 minutes in, I called to a sleeping Nate that I needed his help.  He alternated between getting dressed to leave, making sure everything was in the van, encouraging me, & updating his mom.

5:30 p.m...…… I texted an update to the midwife.  No response.  Contractions were coming closer now.  I was leaned over the countertop, clutching a rolled-up blanket, head down, eyes closed.  I had read so much about not fighting the contractions with a tensed-up body, but instead visualizing oneself opening up so baby can descend.  I forced myself to think of the contractions as huge tidal waves, slowly swelling over me until they peaked, and then subsiding again.  I confess that I did not remain ultra-calm and serene!  In that hour at home, the strength of the contractions took me by surprise and began to frighten me, and I was whimpering.  Even still, I was praying for God's strength to remain calm and let my body do its thing.

6:00 p.m...……. I was anxious about being 35 minutes away from the hospital with things escalating as they were.  I texted our midwife, "We are going in.  Getting scary."  She did reply this time, and we left for the hospital.  Oh, how I HATE laboring in the car!  Sitting while in labor is so awful!  At one point, I cried out to God, "Please oh please don't let this baby come in the car!"  We checked in and were ushered up to triage, where I had two more contractions while waiting for a triage room.  I could not sit any longer, but instead labored on my knees with elbows on the bench.  The chattering nurses grated on my every nerve, but at the same time I was in such a zone that I barely knew what was going on.

6:45 p.m...……Triage got us checked in.  It felt like an insurmountable task when a nurse told me to change into a gown and give a urine sample.  When she checked me and I was at 7 cm, Nate cheered, and I was so relieved... "Thank you God that we made it, and this baby really IS coming today."  The nurses said I was wonder woman because I insisted on walking down to L&D instead of being pushed in a wheelchair, but in reality I just knew I could not sit down anymore.  I couldn't stay on top of the pain anymore, and I could feel the panic rising.

When we got down to the L&D room, 2 nurses were casually prepping the room for the birth.  I assumed my leaning-over-on-my-arms position over the bedside table.  Contractions just kept coming and coming, with little relief in between.  Someone asked, "Do you want to get into the bed?"  I gave an emphatic NO.  A nurse was asking me questions... "birthdate? how many weeks? GBS positive, right?"  I did not notice when a nurse placed my IV, but I do remember feeling annoyed that the midwife could not seem to get the monitor affixed to my belly, even between contractions.  Poor woman was on her knees on the floor, fiddling with my stupid hospital gown, trying to work with me as I rocked back and forth all hunched over.  I had 2 contractions that forced my legs to bend some, putting me in a semi-squat position.  I heard someone say, "Look at her; she's positioned just as though she's on a birthing ball!"  During that 2nd one, right at the end, I suddenly felt myself pushing down with all my might.  During that push, I called out, "OH NO I'M PUSHING AND I KNOW I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BUT I CAN'T HELP IT!"  I was just at 7 cm only 10 minutes ago!  I knew it was not good to push before 10 cm and 100%.  I didn't want to hurt myself or cause problems by pushing too soon.  But WOW, I now know what women mean when they say your body just takes over.  I truly had no control over what my body was doing.  I looked down and announced, "Um, I just made a mess.  Oh, gross, I'm sorry!"  I heard someone say, "Her water has broken."

By now, the room was quite abuzz with activity.  The nurses realized that it was Go Time, so they were scurrying around like crazy.  One hooked me up to the antibiotics.  Midwife told me to get into bed so she could check me, which I was happy to do.  I didn't want to drop that baby out onto the floor!  I was at 10 cm, ready to go!  [[Let me pause to say this:  I had always heard that an epidural is effective for labor but not for pushing...that epidurals do not really help with the pain of pushing and delivery.  Um... that is a lie!  I never felt so keenly the agony of crowning and delivery!!!  WOWZERS.]]

Suddenly I had not one but four midwives in the room!  The whole team was in the hospital attending a workshop, and when they heard I was delivering, 3 of them came up to help.  It was a good thing... I needed their support!  I think I asked Nate, "Why did you let me decide to do this without meds!???"  I remember crying over and over, "I can't do this!  I can't!"  And those sweet midwives rallied around me and said all the things I needed to hear.  It didn't matter if I thought I could do it anyway.  My body was doing it, whether I liked it or not!  After Clayton's head was out, they asked if I wanted to touch him.  Oddly enough, I said no.  I knew it would've been encouraging, but I was working too hard and couldn't break my concentration.

7:22 p.m...….. Wow, so intense, some yelling... and then it was over.  Clayton Bradley was born.

7lbs., 6oz. and 19 inches long. Our smallest baby yet!

Clay meets Daddy.

The girls are smitten!

Clayton is 2 weeks old now, and we are loving getting to know him.  As it turned out, the antibiotics did not have time to have much, if any, effect.  As a result, we had to stay in the hospital an extra day so they could monitor Clay for any sign of the illness.  God is in the details, my friend!  Those things into which I had put so much heart and thought--the playlist, the soft robe for laboring, the verse cards, the SNACKS!-- nothing even came out of the bag.  Well, except my chapstick.  

Clay is a sweet baby, and he loves to snuggle.  He HATES having his diaper or clothing changed, and he loves his pacifier and his sisters.  

You are so loved, Clayton!  We praise God that you are here!

"Every good and perfect gift is from above."  James 1:17

In which I would like to burn this into my memory...

Is there anything in the world sweeter than a child with a heart for God?
I think not.

Trusting faith in Him and a love for His Word--these are always gifts, but they're exceptionally precious when He plants them in the heart of a child.

It's late.  8:48 p.m. on a Wednesday.  We don't do much at bedtime, since they've just spent the evening at Wednesday night Bible study.  It's quick kisses and hugs, and lights out.

Tonight she asks, "Can I read my Bible to my sisters for a couple minutes?
(We've been making our way through Proverbs together at bedtime.  Just finished chapter 2.)

"Sure," I say.  "Six minutes, okay?  Read a few verses and pray, and then lights out at 8:55."

I sit at the bottom of the stairs, unseen, as she reads through verse 10, giving simple explanations along the way.  My mama heart swells as she tells her sisters, "...that means God will be pleased with your actions... and this means God will help you through all your life... shun evil means--well, it must mean not to do wrong things."

And her prayer sent me running for the Kleenex box.

Dear God,
Thank you that you give us wisdom.  Thank you that all we have to do is just ask you for wisdom, and you give it to us.  You are mighty and strong, and you can give whatever you want.  Thank you for always taking care of us.  Help us to honor you.
In Jesus' name,
Amen 

On Christian Friendship

A big drink of cold water, that's what she was yesterday, and she's just a little thing.

A busy little mama to 5 kids 8 and under, who invited us in for 3 hours.  We kept her baby from napping and got out every single toy and toppled the tee-pee over.

We ate up her mini-muffins and I slugged her coffee and asked her one question after another about her home school, her chickens, her garden, and those precious kiddos.

She's just the kind of friend I need, and the kind you need, too.  She's the kind of friend I want to be.

It's been a long time, and many things have changed.  We do make a little small talk, but life looms large and in every corner of it is God, after all.  There is no small talk.  The Lord's been teaching her, patiently leading her to trust Him and to obey Him in all areas of life.  She says it over and over, "God, He's been so gentle with me."

There is so much I don't know, so many ways in which I need to grow.  She is gentle, too.  She must sense the hunger I have for deep fellowship and friendship, because she asks a couple of times with concerned eyes, "Do you have anyone?"  Goodness, I must seems like a woman dying of thirst.  But I know what she means.  Iron can not sharpen itself.  It is not so easy for one lone flailing mama to pick herself up and go on.

What a messy job this is, motherhood.  In all its elation, ugliness, wonder, and challenge, it is rewarding and messy work.

We agree that nothing sanctifies so intensely as this, us nervous, pecking mother hens trying to train up all these little chicks.  

She points out the window, "See that big hen there?  We think it's because of her that the others won't lay."  I learn that hens only lay eggs for about three years.  

She also tells me that chickens are big-time suckers for peer pressure.  Since this old hen has stopped laying, the others in the brood will not lay either.

The solution was hard and also easy:

The big, tough one has to go.  If you want any more eggs, the bad one has to go.

Oh, how I want to be an encourager to others... to my husband, to my children, and to the rest of the Body.   I pray for continued fruitfulness that spurs others on to love and good deeds!  

I'll take a true friend's wounds over an enemy's kisses. 

Any day of the week.

"Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel."

Proverbs 27:9 ESV

Anatomy of a Good Day

It was a good day.

Not because I had an indulgent day at the spa... or because I spent the day lounging in my PJ's sipping coffee.  I didn't immerse myself in a great book for several uninterrupted hours, and I certainly didn't relax on the beach.

Come on!  It's January in Michigan!

{{Disclaimer:  I'm not saying any of those days are bad or unwholesome or unworthy of a blog post.  Just wasn't that kind of day:  the kind most moms-in-the-thick-of-it seem to long for.}}

I just... spent a nice day with my people, doing nothing spectacular in the least.  I feel like I should journal these kinds of ordinary days more often, and not hold out for the moments that most would consider really extraordinary.

{{Disclaimer, cont'd:  I realize some will take issue, theologically, with a post about a singularly good day.  I do know and believe that every day is a gift from God and, as such, is good.  Just humor me here, okay?}}  

These good days happen often, they really do.  I think they probably happen more often than you realize, too.  What constitutes a "good day" for you?  Here are a few reasons it was a Good Day:

~Because when I put my 4-year-old in the tub, her 6-year-old sister begged to go in with her so they could play.

~Because when we told eldest daughter that tomorrow she will go on a date with her Daddy, she could not stop smiling and talking about it all.day.long.  She has her fanciest dress picked out.

~Because I sent three little sillies into uproarious laughter by suddenly singing loudly & off-key while making funny faces.

~Because a certain 1st-grader has FINALLY got a loose tooth, which she delights in wiggling about.  It practically dangles out of her mouth.  [shudder]

~Because of an earnest question posed tonight:  "What would we do if a homeless person knocked on our door wanting to stay the night?  And what if you could just tell that he was really and truly homeless and not a robber?"  Our conclusion was that we are very thankful for a strong and wise Daddy who would certainly do all he could to help the poor while protecting his family.

~Because today I overheard Olivia talking to her fish.  Scolding it for picking on its tank-mate.  "Seriously, Molly.  Mom flushed the last two fish that picked on others.  You'd better stop."

~Because they were so thrilled and thankful when I bought them a hot cocoa to share while we grocery-shopped.  I didn't even mind all the slurping and sighing.

~Because at said grocery store, the holiday-edition coffee creamers were marked down.  After combining with my sweet coupons, I paid a mere $0.62 for all three yummy flavors.  Sometimes I think I can feel the Lord winking at me.

~Because when we went coat shopping this afternoon, the older two girls loved every coat I tried on and loudly told me so.  (More great deals there, too!  *WINK!*  I got this one in tweed.  And a larger size.)

~Because when we stopped to play at the mall play area, they mostly just wanted to play with each other  (though they did graciously include others who wanted in on their game of chase).

~Because even though what they really wanted was to ride the little mall train for THREE DOLLARS PER PERSON, they were delighted to get a gumball instead.

~Because we rode the escalator a couple of times, just because they wanted to.  Even though I was certain I'd pull a Buddy the Elf move, trying to navigate myself and 3 eager kiddos onto it.  (Escalator acrobatics around 1:05)

~And because a funny three-year-old, elbow-deep in dish suds making Bubble Soup with my whisk, said,
"Mommy, thanks for letting me do the dishes for you."

These ordinary, simple days are the ones I want to remember when I'm old and my kids have flown the nest.
They are good, good days from a good and gracious God.

Olivia's Baptism

After about a month of talking, probing, meetings with Pastor and deacons...  

(It's been a loooooong month, folks!)

...Olivia obeyed God and was baptized this morning.

Pastor told the onlookers how Olivia "pestered" him for a good while before the big day actually arrived.  :)  This, he explained, was a good thing, because it revealed that she was serious about claiming and following Christ!

She could barely contain her excitement this weekend, with several exclamations of, "I CAN'T WAIT TO BE BAPTIZED!" peppered throughout.

While I helped her change out of her church dress and into her baptism clothes, she squealed, 

"MOMMY!  I've been waiting for this day FOREVER!"

*waiting for Pastor to signal the baptismal candidates for church membership*

It was a great day to be in God's house!  Nine new (or fairly new) converts, still soggy from the waters of baptism, joining our fellowship of believers.

*the 2 youngest, shaking Pastor's hand*

We are so happy to witness Olivia's zeal for God's Word, God's house, and God's people!  She was so eager to obey and be baptized, with not a shred of hesitation or nervousness.  What a great day!

because in this job, there is no clocking out

Bedtime was a long time coming.  Cranky kids and their cranky mom, plumb wore out from Vacation Bible School this week, and it's only Wednesday?  But there's church tonight, and a disobedient 5-year-old to deal with afterward, and the toothpaste gets squeezed too hard but no one knows by whom.  And suddenly all the kids need to go Big Potty very urgently.  It's at bedtime, always at bedtime.

They are tucked in (though they never, ever lie still), and we recite Psalm 23 together.  Well, mommy says it and they mumble through it, trying to guess what's next and shouting the few phrases they've learned so far.  I do hate it when they mumble, though they are just trying to please me.  Even as the fingers of fatigue tighten around my brain, I resist the urge to rush through the bedtime routine.  For some reason, tonight there is an extra measure or two of grace, and I can feel it.  They are yawning and droopy-eyed, but they're restless, asking questions.  Stalling, I know, but they just want me near them.  

Finally, I pray... a little longer tonight, a little more grown-up-style tonight, and they listen so quietly. I make the kiss-and-hug rounds, silently congratulating myself.  A tiring evening after a string of tiring days, and I pulled it off!  A sweet, successful bedtime without any trace of the Grouchies!

But wait.

Ellia is fighting tears.

Her eyes are so heavy.  I know she must be exhausted; she tossed and flopped and would not nap today.  But Ellia.... my Ellia rarely fights tears.  She beckons them, forces them, fakes them.  When she is fighting tears, that's when we know they are real.

A little more, God.  Just a little more grace...

With a little probing, the tears flow freely, from both of my older two.  They are missing their beloved dog--gone since the Fourth of July.  A week ago today.  

It's funny the things you have to explain to a child.  Things you don't remember anyone actually teaching you, but someone had to have done so.  We've worked through some of these recently:  How To Wipe Yourself On The Potty.  Using A Butter Knife.  All About The Handicapped.  The Difference Between Being Excited About Your Accomplishment And Having Pride In Your Heart.  But Grieving Your Pet's Death?  That's a hard one to teach a 4- and 5-year-old.  But I have to.  We talk about some fun and funny memories of their faithful, patient dog.  They laugh through their tears when I tell them that at some point, they all tried to ride him and pick his nose.  The tears return when they're told that it's okay to cry when you miss someone.  It's good, even.  Crying is one way to help our hearts feel better when they're hurting, and God made us that way after all, so it must be a good thing?

I always want them to be able to come to me when they are hurting.

Only if I'm a grace-filled mommy who ignores the ticking clock sometimes to smooth back their frizzy curls and pull up their blankets a little tighter and ask (or answer) one more question.

Gifts of Grace

I'm counting to one thousand gifts.  

Like many things, I forget easily, don't see them as the gifts they are.

More often now, I see them and give thanks for them... but don't write them down.

I need to write them down!

#70.  the anticipation of company!

#71.  thirteen bags of yard waste, lined up in a row

#72.  an organized garage

#73.  productive Saturdays

#74.  grace for each moment ("Day by Day")

#75.  extra work hours

#75.  snuggle/giggle time with the 5-year-old

#76.  a hot shower after a long day

"Lean Hard"

For so many dear ones bearing difficult burdens, this poem:

Child of My love, lean hard,

And let Me feel the pressure of thy care;

I know thy burden, child, I shaped it;

Poised it in My own hand, made no proportion in its weight to thine unaided strength;

For even as I laid it on, I said,

"I shall be near, and while he leans on Me,

This burden shall be Mine, not his;"

So shall I keep My child within the circling arms of My own love.

Here lay it down, nor fear to impose it on a shoulder which upholds the government of worlds.

Yet closer come; thou art not near enough;

I would embrace thy care so I might feel My child reposing on My breast.

Thou lovest Me? I know it. Doubt not then;

But, loving Me, Lean Hard.      
---May Prentiss Smith

~~~"Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you..."  Psalm 55:22~~~

Unforgettable

These days are full of moments I'd like to forget.

Messes, attitudes, frustration, stickiness, fatigue, bickering.

And poop.  Lots of poop.

(sorry.)

But I'm on a mission to change my mind about these days.  

They're precious!  

Gifts from God... each day, each hour with these little ones on loan to me indefinitely.

Difficult though it is, I need to try to listen past the rowdy noise and enjoy their imaginations.

(a pregnant "Mary," riding a rather rambunctious "donkey.")

Mealtime should be a warm and anticipated time of family sharing... not a frustrating battle of wills.

And messes?  They are the perfect kindling for these budding imaginations.  A fairy tea party anyone?

I need to intentionally slow down and let my girls learn, grow, and DO... on their own.

Slowing down also provides opportunities for family outreach.  

(sleepover with T, a neighbor girl whom my kids adore.)

I never thought it would be difficult to make time for reading together.  But sometimes it is hard!  I'm tired and busy, and dinner won't make itself.

These days are for savoring, for teaching and growing.  I don't want to forget all that He is doing in me, in us.  I need holy perspective.

Lord, help me to redeem the time!  

Little Theologians... and other conversations

It is such a humbling responsibility--as well as a thrilling privilege!--to be someone's first introduction to Christ.  Sometimes I can't believe the depth of their questions and thoughts! 

Me:  "Don't you want to pray tonight, Ellia?"
Ellia:  "No.  I'm too little."
Me:  "No, you aren't!  God loves to hear kids pray!  And besides, prayer is just talking.  You can talk.  It's easy!  You can tell God whatever you want, like, 'Dear God, I'm scared.' or, 'Dear God, thank you for being so good.'  Or, 'Dear God, I love you!'"
Ellia:  "Yes, but you can't give God a hug."
Me:  "Well, that's true."
Ellia:  "Where IS God?"
Me:  "God is everywhere, all at the same time."
Ellia:  "Is God in heaven, too?"
Me:  "Yes, He is."
Ellia:  "What does heaven look like?"
Me:  "I don't know, because I haven't been there yet.  But the Bible tells us that Heaven is beautiful and wonderful!"

Brienna isn't asking spiritual questions just yet.  But she likes to repeat after us when we pray, which is always irritating when she does it to the girls.   She also likes to "help" them work on their Kids4Truth memorization work, which makes them CRAZY.  She's quick as a whip! 

I especially love it when they all sing I Timothy 1:17:

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"Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honor and glory forever and ever.  Amen."

******************

We live approximately 1.5 miles from Olivia's school.  One morning last week, we managed to have this conversation in that short ride:
Me:  "Wow, what a pretty morning it is!"
Olivia:  "Yes!  God has made such beautiful things, right Mom?"
Me:  "He certainly has!  What a great God!"
Olivia:  "Why did He create everything?   The earth and all the animals and everything?"
Me:  "God created just because He wanted to!  The Bible tells us that He created everything for His own pleasure.  And also because His creation brings Him glory.  The trees and the changing seasons, and especially people... we can all show how good God is."
Olivia:  "Mommy, is everything that God does good?"
Me:  "YES!  The Bible says, 'You, God are good, and you do good!'  God does ONLY good things!  That's who He is!"

And tonight at bedtime, Livvie begged me to lie next to her and cuddle for awhile.  Out of nowhere, this conversation happened:

Olivia:  "Mommy, we should have more than five people in our family.  We should have ten."

Me:  "TEN!?!!  That's two parents... and EIGHT KIDS!  Now THAT would be exciting, huh?  That's a lot of sisters and brothers to share your stuff with!"

Olivia:  "Yeah, and if we had a family that big, we would HAVE to have a bigger house."

Me:  "Probably so!  We'd be pretty smushed in here."

Olivia:  "Plus, it'd be fun because we could have our own fellowship meetings."

We are never short on laughs around here!

Children as Tools of our Sanctification

God sometimes uses our children as cute little wake-up calls. 

Does he ever do that in your family?  

My kids provide some of the most intense sanctification opportunites!   

Ellia admires the rabbits.

Last night at bedtime Olivia wanted to pray.  She said a couple quick sentences and then, "Amen."  Here, the rest of the conversation:

Me:  "Well, that was fast.  That's all you want to say to God?" 

Olivia:  "Yes, that's all."

Me:  "But He loves it when we talk to Him!  Would you like to pray some more?"

Olivia:  "No... I don't want to waste His time."

Olivia, her first pony ride

Talk about a dagger straight to my heart!  It brings stinging tears even now, this portrait I have given of our Heavenly Father... one who is too busy or disinterested to listen to His own.

Brienna shows Mama "a baby one."

Clearly ours is a precious and heavy job.  I am so thankful today for the Spirit's work of conviction.  What a thrilling task is set before me--showing my children from the Scriptures that God loves them, delights in them, inclines to hear their sweet prayers.

Lifelong Student

Nothing I've experienced has provided more intense sanctification opportunities than parenting.

I once heard someone quip, "I finally got to the point where I had parenting all figured out.  But then?  Then I had kids."
So much responsibility falls on our shoulders as their protector, provider, example, comforter, disciplinarian, and teacher.

Thankfully, the Lord is an infinitely more patient teacher than I.

* * *

"Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths.  Lead me in your truths and teach me."

Psalm 25:4-5

* * *

The most effective teachers are those who have mastered their subjects themselves.  I find myself floundering and frustrated again, because I can not seem to "get" those things which I'm trying (unsuccessfully) to teach:  kindness, self-control, happy obedience, true brokenness over sin.  

* * *

"Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name."

Psalm 86:11

* * *

How essential it is for me to carve out one-on-one tutoring time with my Teacher, and then guard it fiercely, soaking up as much as I can. 

 * * *

"Make me know the way I should go... Teach me to do your will."

Psalm 143:8b, 10

* * *

And He is the best of Teachers!  He craves the one-on-one time more than I do.  He is infinitely patient, exceedingly merciful, "righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works."  (Psalm 145:17)

As both student and teacher, I can cling to His promise:

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you." 

Psalm 32:8

Who is like unto the LORD!??!

***from Deuteronomy, chapter 30:

"The LORD your God will make you abundantly prosperous...

the LORD will again take delight in prospering you, ...

when you obey the voice of the LORD your God..."

God wants to bless me more desperately than I want His blessing!  What a thought!

I take such joy in giving gifts to my children--to anyone!--but sometimes my gifts are not well-suited for their needs/desires/personality.  Not so with God!  He is the supreme gift-giver!  Every day, every breath, every circumstance in my life--these are all gifts from your sovereign hand.  Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, God!   

(photo source)

When I give my someone a gift and it's met with ungratefulness or apathy, it hurts!  How much more is God grieved in His heart at my unthankful/faithless/complaining/anxious spirit?

***from chapter 31:

Be strong and courageous! 

The LORD your God goes with you;

He will not leave you or forsake you. 

Do not fear or be dismayed!"

I also love the Song of Moses in Exodus 15:

This is my God!

• majestic in holiness
• awesome in glorious deeds
• glorious in power
• doing wonders
• in your steadfast love you have led the people whom you've redeemed
• You have guided them by your strength
• You reign forever and ever!

Thee and not Thy Gifts

I came across this prayer by George Matheson, the blind Scottish pastor who also penned "O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go" (emphasis mine). 

"O Thou Divine Spirit, that in all events of life art knocking at the door of my heart, help me respond to Thee.  I would take the events of my life as good and perfect gifts from Thee: I would receive even the sorrows of life as disguised gifts from Thee.  I would have my heart open at all times to receive--at morning, noon, and night; in spring, and summer, and winter.  Whether Thou comest to me in sunshine or in rain, I would take Thee into my heart joyfully.  Thou art Thyself more than the sunshine, Thou art Thyself compensation for the rain; it is Thee and not Thy gifts I crave; knock, and I shall open unto Thee.  Amen." 

A Special Focus for 2011

For the past couple of weeks, I have been considering developing a personal focus or theme for this year, a simple truth on which I can intentionally meditate and focus throughout the year. 

I prayed about what sort of theme would be most appropriate for this particular season of life, considering the things with which I struggle most... the areas in which I earnestly desire to grow... the Scriptures which God most often uses to reprove and encourage my heart.  And I finally settled on a theme:

~~~Worship In Your Work~~~

Over and over these past few weeks, God has graciously reminded me of the real reason for which I [insert task/chore/responsibility here].  Every duty, every obligation, every task--regardless of how "small"--must be done for God's glory.  And when I have that mindset, of doing everything I do with excellence, because I serve a God who is worth it, that's worship! 

Worship is not reserved for Sundays.  (At least it shouldn't be!)

And worship is not (just) the dutiful singing of three congregational hymns in front of a songleader.

Worship, as I heard it defined two weeks ago, is "any attitude, affection, or action by which we display the worth or value of God."

Do you know what that means?

DO YOU???

It means that when I wash sinkful after sinkful of dirty dishes, thanking God for providing a nourishing meal & the privilege of serving it to my family, I am expressing worship!

When I diligently work at my job, grateful for the enjoyable work and good pay, I am offering up fragrant worship!

When I do everything I can to help, respect, encourage, and promote Nate... that's worship!

When I sweep up sandwich crumbs, or put clean Kid Laundry away, or faithfully train my children in godliness, or sort through their piles of whathaveyou...

... God views it as beautiful worship! 

What a precious opportunity!  

"Whatever you do,

WORK HEARTILY,

as for the Lord...

...you are serving the Lord Christ."

--Colossians 3:23-24

*****************************

Do you have a special focus or theme for this year?

Renewing Their Minds

I'm so glad we requested the Hide 'Em In Your Heart CD for Ellia this past Christmas.  (It's Scripture, set to music.)

The kids have committed to memory verses about obedience, trust, loving each other, and prayer. 

And they've also learned Romans 12:21.

In fact, the other day at lunch, Ellia was displaying a horrible attitude.  My attempts to help her correct it were met with resistance, but you know what DID work?  The reproof of her big sister, who said firmly but gently:

"Ellia, you are being overcome by evil.  You really need to overcome evil with good!"

It Feels Good to be Needed

I don't know if you've felt it or noticed, but I've been backing off of the blogging quite a bit lately.  This is simply because these three little girls all still need me very much. 

They are still so small.  And they need me to help them with nearly every little task... dressing their dolls & themselves (except Olivia), lifting, zipping, stacking, eating, wiping, climbing, pouring, reaching, and pottying (except Olivia, again).

They need me to teach them about speaking kindly, preferring one another, and showing compassion.

They need me to train them to love work, to persevere in every task, and to take seriously their little (but not really) responsibilities.

They need me to model a meek & quiet heart, a joy in serving, and loving respect to their daddy.

So forgive me if I'm not so regular about this little speck on the blogosphere, okay?

I've got lots of work to do,

and precious time to redeem!

"...tell of His deeds in songs of joy!"

• After several months of searching, we're excited about a promising job opportunity for Nate.  He is pursuing a full-time-plus sales position with a highly reputable auto dealership.  We are so thankful for God's clear direction these last several weeks, in which we've explored and prayed over several different options... not all of them 100% appealing.  It's been a test of faith, but it is always exciting to report that God is working. 
• I've landed a small part-time job myself, one that's fairly flexible and pays very well.  The girls enjoy their special time with just their Daddy, and I'm enjoying a bit of alone (or nearly alone) time myself!  It feels good to contribute to our family financially, even if it's just a small portion.
• With the exception of one (very) small stomach bug, our family has enjoyed fantastic health this winter!  We know many, many families who have not.  We don't take it for granted.
• I'm reading through the Bible via the Chronological Plan this year.  I don't know why I never did it this way before; what a blessing!  I'm amazed at God's providence in preserving His Word for me--little old me--to read and understand. 
• God has been busy among us:  orchestrating events, bringing people into our path, meeting needs, growing our faith.  It's a privilege to know Him and serve Him!

"And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of His deeds in songs of joy!"

~~Psalm 107:22~~

Thankful...

... for the Lord's tender mercies, new every morning.  Each day is brand-new with no mistakes. 

...for God's provision of our daily needs, through odd jobs offered by friends, anonymous gifts, sales of our belongings, and more.

...for wonderful extended family members.  Encouraging siblings and siblings-in-law, funny nieces & nephews, a perfect-for-me husband, gracious in-laws, loving parents, all of them.

...for continued health. 

...for the privilege of being involved in an excellent local church ministry.  GOD IS MOVING, and we are awed to have just a small part in it!

...for the happy smiles of my three little women.  This one:

 ...and this one:

 ...and this one:

"Praise God, from whom all blessings flow."