7 a.m.--Wake up to Baby's whimpers. Jet downstairs to retrieve her. Smile when the whimpering stops before you open the door. Put coffee on & take a quick shower.
7:10--Exit bathroom and get startled nearly out of your towel by your 2-year-old, who is standing there with enormous hair and a huge grin. Be grateful for your strong bladder. Get dressed. Give 2-year-old breakfast. Pour coffee. Do hair & makeup. (Special makeup. This is important.) Snuggle 10-month-old...make that 11-month-old. Wow. Feed Baby, change & dress her. Give thanks for coffee. Get on with abbreviated morning routine.
8:55--Screech out of driveway with $24 in tutoring money in your wallet, and head for babysitter's house. Give thanks for babysitter. Give instructions & loaded diaper bag to sitter. Click heels as you re-enter your empty vehicle. Realize you've forgotten your cell phone at home. Return home. Realize you've also forgotten to feed yourself. Scramble 2 eggs with some onion, spinach, mushroom, & monterrey jack cheese. Swallow it whole, because you've got so much to do!
9:30--Leave for Kohl's, still sipping coffee from your to-go mug. Find yourself absentmindedly singing along with "Only a Boy Named David." Replace Toddler's CD with a grown-up one. Marvel that it's been about 6 months since that kid CD has seen the light of day. Browse Kohl's... jewelry, clearanced clothing... find yourself in the children's section without realizing it. Leave Kohl's with a small gift for the wonderful babysitter, paid for, in part, with a gift card.
10:30--Take an unplanned trip through The Salvation Army.
Upon noting that they're having a 5/$5 sale on yellow tags, rifle through the Toddler's sizes, rejoicing as you find one item after another that she's been needing! The kid clothes you've bought make you wonder how those kids are doing. Give thanks for a trustworthy sitter.
11:30--Head over to Bed Bath & Beyond to shop for a new trash can to replace your broken one. You find one you love--well, as much as one can love a trash can--but alas, it's $40. Too pricey, even with the $25 gift card in your wallet.
Decide on a nifty onion saver for now. It's only $3.99, and it's cuuuute!
As you leisurely browse all the gadgets & gizmos, you happen upon an "As-Is" display. Rejoice yet again at the $19.98 "damaged" version of
your beloved trash can! Pay a whopping $1.37 for the both of them. Give thanks for gift cards and damaged goods.
Noon--return an item to KMart & browse for a few minutes. Become startled and then alarmed when you hear shouting and pounding feet behind you. Dash aside just in time as a fleeing shoplifter whizzes by, with sales associate in hot pursuit. Watch, amazed, as 3 or 4 more employees dash out after him. Then, feel slightly disappointed that you didn't notice sooner so you could push your shopping cart in front of the thief to trip him up. Draft an imaginary newspaper headline. Give thanks for protection.
12:30--Debate about checking in with the sitter, and then decide you're not going to be one of those moms. Take notice of the sharp hunger pangs & buzz through a Taco Bell. Wolf down a cheesy bean & rice burrito and a double decker taco. You wonder why the Toddler still hasn't fallen under the spell of mildly spicy foods, and give thanks for TB. Head home, set up your new trash can, and squeal with glee.
1:00--Check out the going-out-of-business-sale at a local party supply store. Get excited when you walk in the door & the clerk announces that everything in the store is 50-cents or less. Buy a cute gift box & cute sticky notes for babysitter, 4 packs of stickers, 3 sets of party invitations, and a pack of thank-you notes. Squeal again as you pay a meager $4 .
1:30--Pick up a few grocery items at Meijer, including a case of Fruit2O flavored water marked down to $1.44. Hooray! Head home to put things away.
2:20--Lie down for a nap. Will yourself to fall asleep. Take deep breaths, count sheep, think about how tired you are. Give up after half an hour. Clip lilacs & arrange a pretty bouquet for a the hostess of a party you're attending tonight. Chat with a neighbor.
3:15--Answer the phone. It's the sitter; kids are awake from their naps! Pick up the children & dole out hugs and kisses generously. Profusely thank the babysitter for Your Day. Take pleasure as she squeals over her gift. On the drive home, listen delightedly as the Toddler tells you all about her fun day.
4:00--Pull in to your driveway, happy to see the Husband's car home quite early. Tell Husband all about your fun day. Upon realizing that you have money leftoever, scrap dinner plans and go grab a pizza. Give thanks for pizza.