Wanted: Personal Assistant!

The Proverbs 31 woman had hired help.  Someday I hope to be like her, especially in that respect.  Currently on my to-do list:

1. Function as Director of the 4's, 5's, and K's, and also a Team Leader, in our church's Vacation Bible School program.
2. Fill out & submit health insurance paperwork for myself and all three girls.
3. Get in approximately 1000 hours of piano practice. 
4. Self-medicate a mild but irritating case of poison ivy.
5. Finish weeding the garden. 

6. Get my house clean enough to live in safely.
7. Stake the tomato plants.
8. Try not to scratch poison ivy rashes.
9. Determine why we keep getting overcharged by our cell phone company.
10. Continue training the baby to keep her shoes on.

11. Maintain a positive attitude while scaling the steep slope of Mt. Laundry.
12. Get back on The Exercise Bandwagon.
13. Get back on The Read-Thru-The-Bible-In-A-Year Bandwagon.
14. Get back on The Blogging Bandwagon.  (Clearly, I am the picture of motivation.)
15. Keep working on balancing my out-of-home job (secondary!) with my in-home jobs (primary!).
16. Take Ellia's 3-year pictures.

17. Go grocery shopping.
18. Dust.
19. Find and eliminate the poison ivy in my yard.
20. Scrub the bathtub. 
21. No longer judge any busy woman who has a dirty bathtub.
22. No longer judge any mother whose children are a little bit wild.
23. Plan a menu.
24. Find a way to deter the resident mole from tunneling through our front lawn. 
25. Fill the birdfeeder.  Poor little things!
26. Finish pulling weeds in the driveway.
27. (Ugh, good grief.)  CLEAN EYEGLASSES, for Pete's sake.
28. Continue treating Brienna's sunburn.  (Yes, I am the leading candidate for Worst Mom Ever Award.)

29. Establish meaningful contact with my parents, who by now have probably concluded that I am dead or dying.
30. Go through every belonging we possess & purge ruthlessly for a garage sale.
31. Obtain cheap yet sturdy school clothing for Olivia.

and et cetera... 
Anyone out there up for the job?