Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Student Teaching

Whenever I look at old photos of the girls, I get these weird sharp pangs in my stomach. They hurt, sort of, but in a good way.

I don't remember Ellia's cheeks being so deliciously chubby. How could I forget the details of such a perfect little face?

Usually it happens when I'm looking for something... I stumble upon a handful of photos, stuffed into books, drawers, and crevices by little hands. I can't NOT look at pictures when I discover them, so I casually start flipping through them, and BAM! Like a punch in the stomach, I'm reminded of how swiftly the time vanishes.

I mean, this one was taken only 4 months ago, and I don't remember Brienna like this!

So you can forget about trying to scrounge up memories of this stage of Olivia's life!
(The hair, it kills me!)

Every time it happens, I wonder, Where did the time go? And what have I done to better these little people? How much time have I wasted worrying about dirty dishes and stained clothes and crumby carpet and other such all-important whatnot? Have I taught them anything worthwhile? They have so much to learn, and obviously so little time to learn it, and I think I went to school to be the wrong kind of teacher!

But then I remember that I have just as much to learn as they do. More, maybe. I also remember that I'm not really even the head honcho around here; I'm just a student teacher who answers to the Supervising Teacher. I needn't worry about being fired from my position, either...my pupils are on loan to me, so that I can master my own lessons in my own classroom. I'm deeply, profoundly grateful that my Teacher is perfectly qualified. In His classroom, one failed test doesn't disqualify me forever from my position.

But I need to study. Oh, how I need to study! And I must check in with my Supervising Teacher if EVER I have a doubt about my lessons. Which is every.single.day. I feel totally frustrated and embarrassed when I fail the same tests over and over. He must think I never pay attention to Him, but He's always patient, always willing to keep working with me.

This is the hardest class I've ever taken, this Parenting 101. The homework is grueling, and there is no recess. It'll be awhile before I learn whether I've passed or failed. But in the meantime, I've got work to do--the clock is ticking!


TwoMuths said...

Oh, Karen. Thank you for this. I am, of course, bawling. Great post.

carissa said...

I just "refound" (is that a word?) your blog. WHAT A GORGEOUS FAMILY you have, Karen!! I love the Jesus Storybook Bible too. And I am so convicted at your posts and writings. Thanks for the awesome challenge!! You are a blessing!