Sovereign God

I copied this from my pregnancy journal, so a couple of you may have already read it. This is a nutshell account of what happened today at our 12-week appointment.


2 weeks ago we tried to hear the heartbeat but couldn't. So we went back today to try...again, nothing. Dr. Kaferle was uncomfortable and awkward, bless her heart; I asked her how worried she was, and she said, "A little. We expect to hear it by this point." She talked very candidly but sensitively about miscarriage; she told us how to spot the heartbeat on the ultrasound machine. Thankfully, we were able to get in for the ultrasound at 10.

Nate and I drove separately, and boy, did I pray in that car! But even though I did pray that the baby was okay, my more earnest prayer was that He'd make me strong and sweet, to accept whatever outcome we found. I was very emotional (still am! crying right now!), but I wasn't a wreck. That was God.

Well, we got there and checked in. Dr. K had told me to drink at least 24 ounces of water, so that my bladder would fill and push my uterus up, making the baby more visible. I did, and by the time we got there, I was literally in pain. My stomach stuck out really far, and it was really tight, and I could barely walk. I've never had to go that badly--it was all I could think about. That was probably God, too, taking my mind off the terrible possibilities.

The technician quickly passed the little wand over my belly. The first thing she said was, "Wow! Your bladder is HUGE!" Then, there it was--our own little baby, its tiny heart thumping 150 beats per minute. I started crying; it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen or heard. Then she told me to go to the bathroom. She said my bladder was so full that she could hardly see anything of the baby! Good grief! For future reference, I now know that 24 ounces is FAR too much!

So she took a few pictures, pointed out a bunch of things...its spine, the 2 lobes of its brain, the 2 forearm bones, eyes, hands, and legs. Absolutely incredible. She also inserted an internal doppler and looked at my ovaries, which I couldn't have cared less about. I really could've looked at the baby all day. Beautiful. (even though it still closely resembles an alien) It was moving all around, waving its arms and twisting. He looked quite comfortable, lounging back like he was sitting in a bean bag chair. Anyway, it's difficult for me to put into words my thanks to the Lord for His gracious answered prayer. The baby is still in His hands, of course. And His hands are far more gentle and secure than mine. Thank you, God.