Christmas Giving

This year we participated in Operation Christmas Child, with each of our girls filling a shoebox for a needy child in a poverty-stricken country.  They took to the idea right away and blessed our hearts with their excitement in giving to others.  Olivia and Ellia chose to give to girls their age, and Brienna wanted to give to a boy her age.  They immediately began planning what sorts of things they'd pack into their boxes, and wondering where their boxes would ultimately go.

It was a wonderful family time of perusing the store aisles, looking for items that little girls and boys would enjoy having.  Everyone received toothbrushes and candy canes.  The girls got cute headbands and hair clips, silly pens and notebooks, pretty rings and little dolls.  The boy's box included a puzzle, monster truck, dinosaurs, playdoh, a comb.

 We pray that our girls will always have a heart for others!  

Grace to Help

Training these kids is hard.  So, so hard.  

I do it wrong  too often.

But when I just take a minute or 10 and do it the right way?  MAN.  Does God come through.  And every time, I wish and wonder why in the world I can't get it through my head to do it right, every time?  How much happier would our home be?  How much sweeter would my children be?  Would I be??

Tonight Olivia lied to me.  Didn't flinch, didn't blink.  Just fed me a bald-faced lie, looking me straight in the eyes.

God gave grace.  I had heard the rumblings, not just with ears that hear the chaos of bickering sisters, but with discerning ears.  Of one younger sister, firmly pleading with the elder, over and over again.  With no effect.

With just a little probing, the lie was admitted (grace!), and I sent the little deer-in-headlights to wait for me in my bedroom.  I had to finish making Nate's work lunch... time to think and pray.  More grace.  

Liv doesn't like to be treated like a baby.  So I talked to her like an adult.  (An adult with an immature vocabulary.)  At first she tried to convince me that she had indeed told the truth and had not really lied, but with not much explanation, she saw that she had indeed manipulated the truth so she wouldn't get in trouble.  Thank you, Lord.  That's so hard to simplify for them.

And so I practiced the art of repetition, rehearsing these truths for the thousandth time and my goodness, I just hate saying the same things over and over.  "No matter what sort of trouble you think you'll be in, Lying trouble is always much worse."  And "Lying is never the answer to any problem."  And of course, "Even if it's half-true, it's still a lie."  All the while, the child liar nods, with blank eyes, unblinking.  

I tell her how alarming it is to see that she had absolutely no trouble telling that lie.  Most children are terrible liars, but that was just so easy and natural for her.  

I can read it as though it were a marquee, scrolling across her forehead:  "Does not compute.... Does not compute..."

Then, "Tell me what God thinks about lying."   She rehearses, "He hates it."  In the flash of a moment, I wonder just what it will take to get her attention.  I beg God to get through to her.  I tell her that the Bible has a few lists of things that God hates, but that the lists are pretty short.  And lying is on those lists.  And actually, "hate" isn't exactly the right word.  What it means is that it makes God sick.  

She blinks.  Now she can hear me.  

"You see, God is truth.  He doesn't just say the truth; He IS truth, in His Being.  Truth is part of what makes God God.  So a lie goes against everything that God IS.  He can't stand lying, and it makes Him sick."

Unbelievable.  Her chin quivers, breath quickens.  So does mine.  She crumples into me and weeps, and that right there, that was all of grace.  No six-year-old "gets" that.  That was God.  

And now it's time for forgiveness talk.  And love talk.  And just yesterday we had a good discussion about confessing sins so we can have a proper relationship to God, and so as not to hinder our prayers, and thank you, Lord, for this monstrous undertaking called HomeSchooling!  

I am spent.  How, Lord?  How can I do this all day, every day, for the next 15 years?  For every time I do it right, how many times are all wrong?  How do You do this day in and day out with ME???  

Oh, the grace... 

 ^"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16 ESV

Fallish Adventures

Last week we ripped out the garden.
And when I say, "we," I mean the girls and I!

They were so helpful to me!  Not "helpful," like the way a 2-year-old drenches your entire kitchen and yourself and herself, when she "helps" you do the dishes.  But really and truly helpful!  I gave them the very important job of gleaning the tomatoes that lingered on the vines.  They placed the tomatoes into their shopping cart and then (roughly) transferred them to the wagon... their idea, not mine.

Once the decent tomatoes were picked and the plants uprooted, the girls helped me by putting all of the stakes in a pile.  I didn't care that it wasn't neat; I just didn't want to trip over them. 

We had so much fun working together!  They required very little instruction or refereeing; we simply enjoyed the lovely weather and the chance to be with each other.  These sweeties take such pride in being a big helper to their mama!  And I guess I must've hovered over the garden quite a bit during the growing season, cautioning them to walk between the rows and not to pull vegetables prematurely... because they thought it was great fun, picking each and every tomato!  Even "the baby ones!"

Then one of them found a worm.  And so they went on a Worm Hunting Expedition and I was left to finish the job alone.  That was okay, for they had worked so diligently and happily!

They amaze me.  These funny girls switched easily from gardening mode to dirt-digging mode to dress-up/playacting mode.

I love it when they help me willingly.  It makes me excited for the day not too far off, when they're all bustling around our home, each contributing happily and productively to the family. 

Lifelong Student

Nothing I've experienced has provided more intense sanctification opportunities than parenting.

I once heard someone quip, "I finally got to the point where I had parenting all figured out.  But then?  Then I had kids."
So much responsibility falls on our shoulders as their protector, provider, example, comforter, disciplinarian, and teacher.

Thankfully, the Lord is an infinitely more patient teacher than I.

* * *

"Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths.  Lead me in your truths and teach me."

Psalm 25:4-5

* * *

The most effective teachers are those who have mastered their subjects themselves.  I find myself floundering and frustrated again, because I can not seem to "get" those things which I'm trying (unsuccessfully) to teach:  kindness, self-control, happy obedience, true brokenness over sin.  

* * *

"Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name."

Psalm 86:11

* * *

How essential it is for me to carve out one-on-one tutoring time with my Teacher, and then guard it fiercely, soaking up as much as I can. 

 * * *

"Make me know the way I should go... Teach me to do your will."

Psalm 143:8b, 10

* * *

And He is the best of Teachers!  He craves the one-on-one time more than I do.  He is infinitely patient, exceedingly merciful, "righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works."  (Psalm 145:17)

As both student and teacher, I can cling to His promise:

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you." 

Psalm 32:8

The Advantage of Little Helpers

Usually, it's easier to do things ourselves, isn't it?  When the kids "help," tasks take twice as long and get at least three times as messy... especially if they're helping you in the kitchen. 

***Brienna LOVES to help with laundry!***



But encouraging them to help (or even just observe!) and then praising them for it is necessary!  It teaches them responsibility; it lets them in on the blessing of service; it often makes for great conversation or one-on-one time!  Plus, I don't think there are many little ones out there who'd say, "I've spent enough time with you lately, Mom.  I'd rather not be with you!" 

Or maybe it's just MY girl who'd be eternally happy if I held her hand and hung out with her every.single.moment of every.single.day.  Forever and ever.

At some point, though, if we teach them thoroughly enough, patiently enough, and long enough... their "help" will actually be helpful!  Sweet, sweet someday...

But sometimes it's definitely to your advantage when your helper is under 4 feet tall.

 ***"Couple more little socks in there, BabyDoll!  You can reach them!"***

I took a nasty fall last week and haven't had a chance to visit my chiropractor yet. 

 Now this?  THIS is the most "help" I've had in a long time!

She comes by it honestly

A few weeks ago I called my mother, exasperated.  "Brienna is unbelievable!  She is into absolutely everything, and the worst thing is her CLIMBING!  We're always pulling her down from chairs, the window seat, the fireplace, the piano bench, EVERYTHING!  Every single moment of the day is a 'training opportunity,' and I'm exhausted!" 

Mom said, "Oh, I'm sure she's no worse than you were!" 

And I probably said something like, "Yeah, right!" 
(I'm so mature.)

Then, she & Dad came to visit, and she brought these photos of me, an 18-month-old Baby Karen, with her.

 (standing on my dresser)

(sitting on the table)

I guess God answered the wish that so many exasperated young mothers make:

 "I hope your children are just like you!"

Pre-School

Livvie & I are having fun doing school a few days each week during naptime. 

I can't tell what Olivia likes better:  the actual work, or the fact that she gets out of napping.

She is her mother's child when it comes to school... eager but easily frustrated. 

"Mommy, I can't make the 2 like you do!" 

But she's already showing improvement. 

She can recite the months of the year (though she usually skips June) and the days of the week, and the Pledge of Allegiance is coming along nicely.  ("I pledge-a-collegiance..."  Love it!)

We've worked on "a", "b", and "v," as well as numbers 1 & 2.  She's terrible about coloring inside the lines, but she's a master at wielding the scissors.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad.

I had THAT kind of morning.  Am I alone?

Please tell me I'm not alone.

Here's the basic sequence of events, embellished not one bit:

Wake up to both #2's and #3's hungry cries (strange, after eating thrice in the night!).
Change #3's bulging diaper, resolving to tidy up the house today and do a few loads of laundry. 
Note that #3's crib bedding needs laundering.
Bounce squalling #3 on hip while pouring bowls of cereal and cups of juice for #'s 1 & 2.
Nurse #3 in spurts, because #1 has decided to pour her own second bowl and has made a mess.
Try to sound genuine while congratulating #1 on a job mostly well done.  (She does look apologetic.)
Try nursing #3 again.
Stop nursing, because #2 is crying--she wants to pour her own cereal, too.
Try nursing. Again.
Stop nursing to discipline #1.  (She's throwing a whining fit because she's not permitted to fill her milk cup.)
Pour bowls 2 and then 3.  WOW, they're hungry. 
Give up nursing.  #3 has given up already, anyway.
Put in a load of laundry.  Ask #3 to get dressed.  She wants a dress; retrieve it.
Attempt to clean up breakfast, which certainly must necessitate Red Cross Disaster Relief.
Get #2 dressed and #'s 1 & 2 hair done. 
Note that they are getting exceedingly good at destroying their room before 9:30 in the morning. 
Pull #1 out of the bathroom.  Try not to gag when you notice the toilet brush tipped over. 
Wash chubby hands, and thank God for her immune system.
Separate and deal with #'s 1 & 2.  They're fighting.
Begin tidying kitchen. 
Stop; #3 is irritable and underfoot.  Pick her up & continue working.
Ask #1 why #2's hair is covered in stickers.
Put #3 down.  She's squirming too much.
Discipline #2.  She's coloring the coffee table with a marker.
Change #2's stinky diaper.
Change laundry over.
Follow the sound of #1's voice.  She needs her bum wiped. 
Note the toilet paper strewn around.  Locate #3 and give her a good once-over.  Looks okay.
Separate #'s 1 & 2.  Fighting again.  Give instruction.
Catch a glance in mirror and gasp.
Throw hair into ponytail and clothes onto body.
Investigate screams in living room. 
Can't get into living room for the mess.  Order #'s 1 & 2 to clean up toys.  And stop fighting.
Peel a fussing #3 off of legs.  Try to put her down for a nap. 
Administer discipline to disobedient 1 & 2, and repeat orders to clean up living room. 
Change laundry over.
Remind #1 to stop saying everything in a whiny voice.
Remind #2 to speak kindly to her sister.
Attempt (unsuccessfully) to soothe a crying #3.
Change diaper, and realize #3 is out of diapers. 
Put one of #2's size 5's on her.
Set #1 up at table with a small painting project.
Set #2 up with the bubble blower and a toy.
Sweep kitchen floor.  Beg God for additional grace.
Admire #1's painting. 
Change laundry. 
Get after #2 for playing in #1's paint.  Clean her up.
Clean up #1, too.
Give up on #3's nap.  Try nursing again.  No luck.
Announce plans to go outside in a few minutes. 
Admonish #1 for going outside without supervision.  Decide that an extra measure of warning is needed, and inform her that there are bad people who like to steal children and never give them back. 
Give lots of hugs upon seeing her grave expression.
Talk about how rules are like fences; they're for our protection.
Thank God for what appears to be successful instruction.
Take several minutes to train #3 not to stick her fingers in the box fan.
Change laundry. 
Soothe #3.  She's tired AND hungry now.
Begin fixing lunch as best as you can with three restless children trying to climb the counters.
Serve lunch.  Try to nurse but with little success. 
Attempt to lay her down.
Realize that her sheet is still drying.
Remind #'s 2 & 3 not to complain about their food.
Give #3 a couple spoonfulls of rice in the highchair.
Regret it immediately.  Clean up rice all over the floor.
Clean up #1's spilled milk.
Do lunch dishes. 
Instruct #'s 1 & 2 to clean up their room.
Get after them for arguing and being unkind.
Congratulate on a clean room.
Try to soothe an exhausted #3.
Discover #2 playing in the fireplace, covered in ashes.  Give instruction & clean her up.
Head to fireplace to clean up mess. 
Take a detour to investigate the cause for #3's crying.
Discover that #1 is covering #3 with her blanket.  Administer discipline.
Head to fireplace in a second attempt to clean up mess.
Discover #2 lying in fireplace, covered up to her armpits in ashes.
Earn the Mother-of-the-Year Award with your response.
Clean up #2 again; this time change clothes... all much too harshly. 
Realize it's after 2 and naptime is quickly slipping away.
Attempt to put #2 into bed and realize she doesn't have bedding. 
Order her sternly to stay in her room.
Pick up fussy #3 and kiss her.  Apologize to her for the rough morning we're all having.
Locate bedding.  Realize #2's pillow is missing.  Search living room.
Instruct #1 to pick up toys in the living room, which strongly resembles tornado damage.
Locate pillow. 
Toss #2 into bed.
Grimace at her heartbroken sobs.
Sit in kitchen floor sobbing your own sobs, with carnage all around, and wonder if you'll ever "get it."
Tuck in #1.
Retrieve #2.  Snuggle her, apologizing and asking forgiveness.  Kiss her a lot (while also snuggling #3).
Tuck in #2. 
Nurse #3. 
Realize she's still in the same onesie that she slept in. 
Stroke her chubby cheek and sweaty curls, and regret much of the morning's events.
Ask God for the grace to start the day over after naptime. 
Realize why each successive child seems to be more and more easygoing:

It's because they have to be in order to survive.

Ignore the cluttery, dirty house
(It's easier now than it was this morning.),
And collapse onto the small area of your bed that isn't covered in laundry.

At least it's clean laundry.

Book Review: "Don't Make Me Count to Three!"

I'd heard lots of good things about Don't Make Me Count to Three!, so when I saw it in the Creation Museum gift shop last week, I began reading the back cover.  Two sentences in, I knew it was for me!

"Do you find yourself threatening, repeating your instructions, or raising your voice in an attempt to get your children to obey?"

[yes, yes, and OH YEAH.]

"Are you discouraged because it seems you just can't reach the heart of your child?"

[Precisely.  Day in and day out, it seems!]

And let me tell you, reading this book was just about the most encouraging, exhausting, refreshing two hours I've spent in a long time!

Following are some of the highlights:

• 
  
  Plowman discusses in great detail the importance of learning to draw out the issues of your child's heart.  Not only that, but she also gives practical, real-life scenarios, with dialogue, so one can see what that means in everyday life.  Heart-probing is a delicate skill which requires not a little practice and prayer.
• 
  
  Plowman devotes quality time to the issue of training in righteousness--not simply telling your child what he's done wrong, but also telling (and more importantly showing) him how to do it right.
• 
  
  I love, love, LOVED her section on role playing.  The back-and-forth conversations were so insightful.  Talk about fleshing out the "put off/ put on" principle!
• 
  
  5 Worldly Methods Used by Parents in an Attempt to Obtain Obedience... guilty as charged.
• 
  
  Finally, a solution to the "Who had it first?" dilemma.  (It's a trick question!)
• 
  
  There's a whole chapter entitled, "Managing the Manipulator."  A new day has dawned, my friends. 
• 
  
  5 instances in which it is inappropriate to use the rod. 
• 
  
  Appendix C--How to Pray for Your Child is helping me to re-vamp my intercession for my children.

I've become so burdened with the fact that reforming the girls' behavior will not help them learn to conform to to Christ's image.  In the midst of all my shouting and frustration, I've often skipped or cut short the all-important step of addressing the heart issues.  This paragraph (page 34) has been swimming around in my brain since I read it:

When we focus on our child's behavior and neglect what is on the inside, we will cause our children to become manipulators.  They will learn to please us by... acting the way we tell them to act out of a fear of punishment... but they will not learn the righteousness of Christ.  As a matter of fact, if we only focus on the laws of outward behavior but fail to train their hearts in accordance with God's Word, we risk them viewing Christianity as a set of burdensome rules.  As a result they may never experience what it means to truly know Christ and His power to transform lives.   (emphasis mine)

Unlike some other parenting books I've read, Don't Make Me Count to Three! is "easy reading."  Not that it's easy to do, but it's easy to read.  Enjoyable, too!

What book are you enjoying these days?

Spring Celebration!

This year Nate & I decided to start a new family tradition.

We want to be careful not to give our children the false impression that Easter is all about hunting plastic eggs, digging into Easter baskets, and coloring boiled eggs. We want them to purposefully celebrate what Easter is really about--our Lord's sacrificial work of atonement and His glorious resurrection!

But the other stuff is fun, and we want the girls to enjoy those things. So instead of using them to celebrate Easter, we've decided to make the bunny-and-egg stuff about spring!

What better day to do it than last Saturday, the official start of spring?

We hunted eggs and dug into goody-filled baskets. What fun!

They love a good egg hunt!

Ellia was newly amazed at every egg she found!

The big girls with their eggs. Brienna was busy (napping).














Then it was back inside to search for Spring baskets! New books for all, along with a couple special sweet treats, stickers, and new tights!

I would've liked to made cut-out cookies with our spring-themed cookie cutters, but that didn't seem like a great idea, given our commitment to good health...

Student Teaching

Whenever I look at old photos of the girls, I get these weird sharp pangs in my stomach. They hurt, sort of, but in a good way.





I don't remember Ellia's cheeks being so deliciously chubby. How could I forget the details of such a perfect little face?






Usually it happens when I'm looking for something... I stumble upon a handful of photos, stuffed into books, drawers, and crevices by little hands. I can't NOT look at pictures when I discover them, so I casually start flipping through them, and BAM! Like a punch in the stomach, I'm reminded of how swiftly the time vanishes.



I mean, this one was taken only 4 months ago, and I don't remember Brienna like this!









So you can forget about trying to scrounge up memories of this stage of Olivia's life!
(The hair, it kills me!)




Every time it happens, I wonder, Where did the time go? And what have I done to better these little people? How much time have I wasted worrying about dirty dishes and stained clothes and crumby carpet and other such all-important whatnot? Have I taught them anything worthwhile? They have so much to learn, and obviously so little time to learn it, and I think I went to school to be the wrong kind of teacher!

But then I remember that I have just as much to learn as they do. More, maybe. I also remember that I'm not really even the head honcho around here; I'm just a student teacher who answers to the Supervising Teacher. I needn't worry about being fired from my position, either...my pupils are on loan to me, so that I can master my own lessons in my own classroom. I'm deeply, profoundly grateful that my Teacher is perfectly qualified. In His classroom, one failed test doesn't disqualify me forever from my position.

But I need to study. Oh, how I need to study! And I must check in with my Supervising Teacher if EVER I have a doubt about my lessons. Which is every.single.day. I feel totally frustrated and embarrassed when I fail the same tests over and over. He must think I never pay attention to Him, but He's always patient, always willing to keep working with me.

This is the hardest class I've ever taken, this Parenting 101. The homework is grueling, and there is no recess. It'll be awhile before I learn whether I've passed or failed. But in the meantime, I've got work to do--the clock is ticking!

Future Missionary, Perhaps?

Olivia and I had a great conversation in the car last night. It's a bit lengthy, so get comfortable!

Olivia: "Mommy, why can't kids drive cars?"
Karen: "Because sometimes driving can be dangerous. If kids drove cars, they'd crash a lot, so only grown-ups should drive. That's why Mommy has to be careful and pay attention--so I don't crash into somebody."
Olivia: "Well, we shouldn't crash into another car, just crash into the trees."
Karen: "We don't want to do to that, either! Many times when people crash into trees, they die or get hurt badly."
O: "You shouldn't say 'die,' Mommy. It's a bad word."
K: "'Die' isn't a bad word! Remember Jesus died on the cross?"
O: "Yes, and that is very sad."
K: "But it's a good thing that Jesus died on the cross, because that's how WE can go to heaven. Besides, what happened after that?"
O: (excitedly) "He didn't stay dead! He came alive again!"
K: "Right!
O: "But he died two times."
K: (pause) "What?"
O: "Jesus died two times."
K: "No, only once."
O: (with certainty) "Yes, he did! My storybook says he died two times!"
K: "Well, we'll have to look at that book, but I don't think that's what it says. Besides, the Bible says Jesus died only once, and the Bible doesn't lie."
O: "Mommy, that's silly! The Bible can't talk!"
K: "No, but who gave the Bible to us?"
O: "God did."
K: "Yes, He did. The Bible is God's Word to us. And God doesn't lie!"
O: "Why did God give us the Bible?"
K: "So that we can know Him. And so we'll know the right way to live. If we didn't have the Bible, we wouldn't know much about God at all! Isn't it a good thing we have the Bible?"
O: "Yes! Everyone has the Bible!"
K: "You know, lots of people don't have a Bible."
O: (incredulous) "WHAT???"
K: "That's right. There are some people who don't have a Bible. Sad, huh?"
O: (very concerned) "Oh, Mommy, EVERYone should have a Bible!"
K: "Yes! That's why missionaries go to different places, to share the Bible with people, and let them know about Jesus. Wouldn't it be exciting to be a missionary!?"

We pulled into our driveway at this point, and Olivia's attention went immediately to the goings-on inside. What a gracious God we serve to ignite such a curiosity in her... how else would a 3-year-old's mind wonder about such things?